Dear Carolyn: My last relationship was several years ago. We’d been together for four years and engaged for one. Right before we were supposed to do the deed, he informed me that he never wanted to marry me, never wanted to be in a relationship, and that he’d been lying a lot. This was the exact opposite of how he had been behaving. Quite the shock.
I’m in a new relationship now, of only a few months. We’re already talking marriage. A lot of my friends think this is too soon, but I’ve resigned myself to the fact that if something bad is going to happen, it will, regardless of how long we’re together.
I did the standard waiting periods last time, but it didn’t shield me from anything. I’m trying to find a good reason to wait this time, but as you’ve already said, bad things just happen, which is out of our control, right? Can you think of another reason to wait?
— Seattle
Seattle: About 20, but I’ll try to keep my arm-flapping to a minimum.
Here’s what you’re essentially saying: “Since a car can run a stop sign and kill me at any time, there’s no point in looking both ways before I cross a street.”
If you really think there’s no point in taking basic care of yourself, then please consider good counseling or even grief support. A refresher on what you can and can’t control can have a surprising, calming effect.
You can’t prevent all harm, and, you’re right, waiting till you’ve known someone a couple of years before getting married won’t inoculate you from heartache.
