Tell Me About It
Hi Carolyn: Im in my teens and a few years ago my parents divorced. They often used me as a go-between for them. I know this was wrong and they shouldnt have and they said they wouldnt but they did. I had to go through therapy for this.
My problem is now theyre still at it. They say, Tell your mom/dad this and this, and if I dont want to, they get angry at me. They also get angry when I deliver a message, saying stuff like, Your mom/dad shouldnt send messages through you, its detrimental, so you tell them from me … .
How do I get this crap to stop? Im so sick of it and nothing seems to be working. Confused in Idaho
Answer: The only way I can stand to say what I have to say is to say this first: None of this is your fault. I hope Im the 400th person to say that. And that youre the first to believe it.
Now my blue news. One thing will work, but its unjustly, grievously, utterly on your shoulders. Say no to your parents. Say it every time they try to make you their carrier pigeon. Say you love them, say sorry, say no. Say theyll have to talk to each other.
As Im sure youve deduced, that means openly withstanding their anger when all you want is their approval. Which is why your parents behavior is an outrage; they should be raising you, not the reverse. But since right and wrong arent compelling enough to stop them, their innocent kid saying, Blame me, but Im not budging is apparently what they need to hear.
Dear Carolyn: Several months ago, I was placing an order through my Amazon Prime account and a co-worker asked if she could order some things as well. Since I had my items coming to the office, I said it was fine for her to add some things to my order at least it would save on the number of boxes coming to the same location.
Now she regularly asks to use my account so she can get the free two-day shipping. A one off when I was ordering something as well seemed fine to me, but now I feel like shes taking advantage and Im enabling her to cheat the company. Having allowed it, though, how do I put a stop to her use of my membership? Primed
Answer: You say: This was fine for a shipment or two, but Im not comfortable with it as a regular thing. Because choosing not to let people take advantage of you is something youre allowed to do.
