My daughter recently posted on Facebook that she didnt know if she was a good parent, a bad parent, or no kind of parent at all. She was talking about her boys and what they were doing with their summer. When she wrote this, they were 14, 11 and 7.
So far this summer, theyve formed a bicycle gang and ridden their bikes everywhere that a bicycle can be ridden. They built a tree house. They babysat a neighbors kitten and built a fenced-in area to keep it in. Sometimes they put the kitten in the basket on one of the bikes and gave it a ride.
They took their allowances and went to The Market Place and found treasures. They came to Humanity House and made totes and learned to sew.
They rode their bikes and ate lunch at the cafeteria with their friends. They dug out part of an old koi pond, leaving the middle intact to make an island for the kitten. They went to the library. They left the house early and came in only after being called in repeatedly to eat supper. Then they went back out to catch fireflies and play night games.
They went swimming and played pick-up games of basketball and baseball. They were dirty and tired at the end of every day. Basically, they got to be kids, like kids rarely get to be anymore.
We have become a nation that lives in fear of what might happen to our kids. Most parents are afraid to let their children go about unsupervised. Kids stay inside and watch television or play video games while parents work. Their activities are supervised by the parents. If you see a child, you will usually find at least one of their parents lurking nearby.
I am not saying that caution is unfounded. But what are our children missing?
By playing unsupervised, children get to use their imaginations to create fun. They get to use their brains to solve the problems that their imaginations sometimes create. They get to be responsible for themselves. They learn conflict resolution. They learn when to speak up and when to be quiet. They learn that you can go out into the world and not be afraid of everything. They learn to communicate with grownups in stores. They learn manners quickly. They learn to be proud of themselves.
By having unstructured time, they find the magic in the universe. They find out who they like and who they dont and the reasons why. They find out that just because someone wants to be your friend, it doesnt mean you should be friends with them. They find out that actions have consequences.
I have two friends. One is a little girl named Lydia, who is 5. The other is a little girl named Izzy, who is 7. These little girls are also being raised by parents who give them the chance to enjoy the world in an unstructured way. They are delightful in that their conversations are engaging, interesting, and funny in ways that are universal no matter what your age. Like my grandsons, they see the world. They see the quirkiness, the weirdness, the strange beauty that makes up the world around us.
Be one of those parents. Let kids be kids. We only get that brief chance once.
Kindness matters.
