In July 2020, my mother-in-law’s senior living facility was breached by COVID-19.
We had been talking on the phone with her daily since the facility went into lockdown in March of that same year. At 96, she was still mobile and able to live independently. Before COVID, we had purchased a laptop for her to use to Skype with the grandkids. We taught her how to use it and, for a while, she did.
After lockdown was initiated, she had trouble organizing her medications. No one at the facility wanted to take responsibility for helping her. We developed a process in which she would set her medications outside her door in the hallway and one of the people working there would pick them up and bring them out to me as I sat in my car in the parking lot. They would leave them on the ground by my car, and after they left I would open my door, wipe everything off, organize her medicine, re-wipe all the containers, then drop them off outside the front door to be picked up and delivered back to her.
After a few weeks of lockdown and being confined to her room, we could tell that she wasn’t as mentally acute as she had been. She had forgotten how to use Skype, and no matter how hard we tried to refresh her memory, she just couldn’t get the hang of it. So, we talked on the phone. Every day she would say she was doing fine.
Then, in July 2020, we received a call telling us that, despite their best efforts, the facility had an outbreak of COVID-19. In that moment, I knew we had to get her out of there. I called her and told her to pack her medications and anything else she could get in a suitcase. The next morning, with the help of masked and gloved staff members, we were able to get her into the car. Before leaving, they performed a mandatory COVID test on her. It took six days to get the results. She was negative.
Her first day with us I noticed a significant decline. She wasn’t as mobile as she was when we last saw her.
We immediately called a handyman to come install grab bars on every wall in the bathroom and shower. The next day I realized that she was having trouble showering. She couldn’t get herself clean and needed help with the simplest of tasks. I discovered that although I had been organizing her medications for her, she was forgetting to take them.
She had also lost weight. Although the facility had cancelled all dining room activities, they were still delivering meals to her door. She sometimes forgot they were there and just didn’t eat.
I had taken care of my own mother when I was in my 30s and my father when I was in my 40s, but now that I was in my 60s and finding myself as the caregiver again, things looked different. I wasn’t able to do the lifting I did 20 years earlier. It was clear I needed help.
Finding quality in-home care is a monumental task. As former chair of the Johnson County Commission on Aging, I pride myself on being informed about aging issues and up-to-date on the variety of resources available to caregivers. What I discovered was: I didn’t have a clue.
When it happens to you, when your loved one becomes the one needing care and you become the caregiver (literally overnight), things look a lot different. The sense of urgency is overwhelming. Panic sets in. I was fortunate enough to have contacts in the county and a wonderful family doctor who put me in touch with an in-home care business. However, at $25 an hour daily, the costs added up quickly.
We were blessed to have my mother-in-law with us for nine months. I am so thankful she didn’t die alone or in a nursing facility.
People are living longer now. With baby boomers quickly becoming the largest section of our population, we need to be proactive in our efforts to find ways to help our seniors grow old in their own homes. The current cost of a nursing home hovers around $100,000 per year. It seems to me it would be much cheaper and much better for our seniors if we can figure out a way to deliver quality care at home and provide assistance to family caregivers.
Our elected officials should be willing to have difficult conversations and put the welfare of one of our most vulnerable populations front and center. Sticking our heads in the sand and hoping the problem goes away won’t work. The gray tsunami is coming for us all, and we need to be prepared to handle it.
About the author: Pam Shernuk served on the Johnson County Commission on Aging for seven years, two years as vice-chair and two-and-a-half years as chair. She currently serves on the board of directors for Kansas Advocates for Better Care.
