Dear Carolyn: Im single. Ive been single my entire 60 years. I travel alone most of the time, yes, even on vacation. Im sick of people being shocked that I drove cross-country twice alone. Im sick of people giving me odd looks and telling me, Your day will come, when I am alone on vacation, in the airport, on the plane, at the hotel, in the restaurant. I dont have a question, Im just tired of being regarded as bizarre. Just Need to Vent
Answer: Rightly so.
But I hope someday, if someone gives you the Your day will come line again, you say the same back to that person. Because, seriously, way more people manage to get married/paired off than have the courage to be alone with their thoughts, much less alone with their dinner, movie, long-distance drive or vacation.
Which makes you more badass than bizarre, for the record, even though I say this with fervent hope that time and progress will make you less of a badass and more just a person living a life.
Dear Carolyn: My daughter was engaged to a young man who wanted a big wedding. They both saved to pay for it, but in practice the burden of organizing and paying deposits fell on my daughter, with the expectation that later they would either join the finances or he would reimburse her.
Well, two months before the wedding he ran off with a pregnant girlfriend. My daughter is overwhelmed by the emotional fallout and the financial obligations. I volunteered to notify the guests about the cancellation.
Some guests, especially on our side of the family, complained about their own nonrefundable plane tickets and demanded that we reimburse them.
What is our obligation to these people? We are not in dire financial straits, but neither are they, and I feel that all financial support I can muster should be going to my daughter. Emotionally, I am appalled so many relatives and friends saw it fit to complain and demand more from us with only perfunctory words of support for my daughter (I am sorry about your engagement, but can I have a few hundred dollars to cover my plane cancellation and my new dress?).
I cannot see this situation as anything other than them showing their true colors, and I dont want to have any relationship with them anymore. Canceled
Answer: Wow. I cant see it as anything else either.
So, yeah, you dont need me youve got this. You have seen their true colors and you are free not to have any relationship with them anymore.
If youd like, you can give them the runaway fiances number to see about reimbursement.
Dear Carolyn: My best friend of decades started yelling, Dye your hair! Its embarrassing to be seen with you! the last time I saw her. What makes her think my value as a friend is whether Im the wrong color accessory? Havent seen or spoken to her since. Harassed Over Gray Hair
Answer: It makes no sense to me whatsoever, to the extent that I cant find any way to empathize with someone whod say that. There is some satisfying symmetry, though, to the (apparent) end of this friendship: Now youd both be embarrassed to be seen with each other.
I knew someone who started commenting on everyones weight; plenty of people grow warmer and more compassionate as they age, or more focused on certain interests, or more emotionally liberated, so it makes sense, I guess, that others would change in less likable ways.
Or maybe shes just loopy. Forgive or not as you see fit.
Dear Carolyn: My 12-year-old Lab is nearing the point where we will have to put him down. Hes still enjoying his life but is quickly losing function in his hind legs due to degenerative myelopathy. He is a wonderful, wonderful dog who has been my best friend for 12 years.
