A collection of local stories shared at a presentation on sexual abuse at the Iola Public Library Saturday shows how pervasive and varied the experiences can be.
One woman, now almost 30, shared her experience of being raped by her step-brother when she was 11. When she finally told her mother this year of the rape, her mother accused her of lying to get attention.
Another woman talked about being ?felt up? by a teacher in high school. Though she laughed about it with her friends afterward, she said she?ll never forget how scared she was when it happened.
A man shared his story of being abused by his father, who was arrested and sent to prison. But even 25 years later, he worries that his parenting skills are influenced by the traumatic experience, saying he was afraid to become a parent for fear that he, too, is capable of terrible things. It has taken a long time to realize he?s not his father, he said. It?s also left him suspicious of adults who interact with his children.
Another man shared his experience at work, when he laughed along with other co-workers when the boss ?playfully? picked up a teenage employee, threw her in the ice bin and called her names. The girl?s shirt lifted in the process, exposing her chest, and she quit. ?I wish I hadn?t laughed with the other guys,? the man said.
?Abuse changes your brain. It changes the way you make decisions. It changes the way you live in this world,? said a woman who was abused by her grandfather, starting before her fourth birthday.
The stories were shared as part of ?A Message of Hope,? a monthly presentation from now until April to discuss issues related to sexual abuse. Saturday?s event served as an introduction, with speakers from Hope Unlimited: Donita Garner, child advocacy center coordinator, and Lisa Chauncey, sexual assault advocate. They covered the basics of sexual assault, including statistics and the reporting process. Because only a few people attended, the meeting turned into more of a panel discussion.
Sexual assault includes any action of a sexual nature done without consent, Garner said. That includes rape, but rape rarely meets the stereotype of someone attacked by a stranger in a dark alley. It?s usually done by someone the victim knows and perhaps even someone he or she loves. They may not recognize the activity as sexual assault, she said.
And in her many years of experience, Chauncey said she counts only about three times when a sexual assault left a victim with severe injuries. Often, the victim is caught by surprise or groomed into accepting the experience. Most victims won?t have bruises or obvious signs of trauma, she said.
Chauncey talked about the role of Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANE) and a regional Sexual Assault Response Team (SART). The team consists of compassionate professionals such as nurses and doctors, law enforcement and mental health professionals, who work with victims from the initial examination through a criminal court case, if needed, and provide education and follow-up.
?As soon as I finished my training, I thought I knew how to handle anything,? Chauncey said. But her first case, involving a 14-year-old boy assaulted by a well-respected Scout leader, proved otherwise. ?There?s no such thing as a typical assault. It?s all about that particular victim and what they need.?
Chauncey recalled times when she walked down the hall of a hospital and heard laughter. Just because the victim was laughing doesn?t mean the assault didn?t happen, she said. Perhaps that was her way of coping. Perhaps a loved one or someone she trusted was able to momentarily distract her.
The first one or two people a victim tells about the assault have the most impact on how he or she will cope, Chauncey said. That?s why it?s important for everyone to have a basic understanding of sexual assault, and to be able to listen and support the victim.
