Humanity House
This Sunday we celebrate the fathers in our lives. There are cards and BBQs and fishing and cakes, new ties, golfing, and kicking back with dad on a Sunday afternoon.
But today, 20 million children in the United States live in homes that are fatherless. Millions more live in homes where the fathers are physically present but emotionally absent.This is a sobering and scary fact when you begin to look at statistics of what being fatherless can set a child up for.
Between 60 percent and 90 percent of children without fathers living in the home are more likely to be involved in things like homelessness, running away, committing crime, dropping out of school, teen pregnancy, drug abuse, arson, rape, prison, behavioral disorders, and being in state institutions. They have higher rates of obesity, poor grades, being sexually assaulted, and living in poverty, in addition to less education. Amazingly, these statistics do not include if the father is absent because he has died.
Basically, fatherlessness can be associated with every societal ill.
Whose fault is this? It would be easy to blame the mom, since she is the one raising the child. But it is not that easy. Being a woman who was fatherless sets you up to be more likely to be a teen mom, drop out of high school, and marry someone who also does not complete a high school education, if you get married. It also makes it more likely that you will divorce.
Once you have a child, getting an education becomes even more difficult, and for some it seems impossible. If the mother works, she, like most other women in the U.S., will be paid less than her male counterparts. She will pay more for childcare because there is no other parent there to help care for the child. The children become vulnerable.
In neighborhoods that have few fathers living in them, crime is higher. Mothers choose low-income housing because that is what they can afford, and in doing so place the children in greater danger of being a victim or a perpetrator of crime.
What can be done? There are a couple of things. If a mother raises her children without having boyfriends, the child fares better. That doesnt seem reasonable and breaks the chances of the child having a good father in the home.
Mothers and fathers need to work together to do what is best for their children. Differences need to be set aside, conflicts put away and what is best for the child put into action.
As difficult as it may be to let go of the pain that broken and hurtful relationships can be, unless the father is a danger to the child or mother, it is best to do everything that can be done to open up your childs life to their father.
Half of children not living with their fathers have not seen their fathers in a year and 90 percent have never been inside of their fathers home.
If you are like me, and were lucky enough to have a dad who was present in your home, these statistics are both frightening and heartbreaking.
If you are a single mother, and it is safe to do so, please think about all of the good that you can do for your child by extending the olive branch, letting the dad grab a hold of it, and then bringing him back into your childs life. It takes lots of conversations, both parties taking responsibility for their own part in having a fatherless child, and forgiveness, but the reward to your childs future and our countrys future makes the endeavor totally worth it. Kindness matters!
Unless the father is a danger to the child or mother, it is best to do everything that can be done to open up your childs life to their father.
