This time let the check go boing

Dear Carolyn: My sister sent my grade-school child a check as a gift. We deposited it four weeks later, and it bounced because the account was closed.

It’s a small sum, $25, and the charge against my child’s account was another $10. This is not about the money or any issues I have with my sister. She made a mistake, no big deal. I’m curious what the general rule is. I would want to know so I could correct it, but is there an etiquette standard?

My sister is going through a divorce. We have a good relationship. Her financial situation is rather unknown to me, but not as solid as mine. Do I contact her or just cover it out of my pocket?

— Tom (Don’t Wanna Seem) Petty

Tom (Don’t Wanna Seem) Petty: “Going through a divorce” = “going through hell,” of one form or another. So eat the money as your quiet gift to her.

If she weren’t preoccupied or struggling, then I’d still advise you to eat it. There’s just not enough to be gained with such a small sum in such a small-gift context to make it worthwhile to say, “Your check bounced, please write another so I can have my money.”

It’s easy to say you’d want to know if you were in your sister’s position — I’d say the same, of course — but the risk of that little bit of virtue getting swamped by ick is just disproportionately high. And the risk you’ll wind up asking yourself why you thought it was a good idea to ask for the money verges on 100 percent.