Dear Carolyn: My husband is an elementary school teacher and his students have been sending home a bunch of stuff all week for teacher appreciation. Tonight the PTA is having a barbecue for teachers and their families.
I understand this is nice, but what I actually want is for my husband’s classroom to be stocked with supplies that he doesn’t have to buy. I want parents to respect his office hours and stop texting and emailing on nights and weekends. I want him to be paid a salary that reflects his education and work ethic.
I feel like events like this are placating, and I am not in the mood to participate. My husband is much nicer and really wants me to just go and have fun like the other spouses. How do I shake this feeling? — Not in the Mood
Not in the Mood: Your husband really wants you just to go and have fun. Since that’s what he wants, I hope you’ll do it. Even if you’re in no mood.
Because you’d need to leave said mood at home to accomplish this, I suggest this: A PTA barbecue isn’t placating, it’s celebrating. Just as with a retirement dinner or arts/athletic banquet or even a wedding, gathering is a legitimate way to recognize someone’s value to the community, and not just a shortcut alternative to or poor substitute for something else.
You have an enormously valid point with the problem of financial support for education, which includes the lousy-pay problem and the lack-of-supplies problem. I’m glad to post your question as part of the effort to say, “Come on, people.” I know a lot of people are working very hard to support their schools and teachers, but until we all do so at the ballot box, we’re stuck with teachers using their own money for crayons and kids being lunch-shamed. It’s appalling. And I feel safe saying that canceling all the barbecues is not going to be the precipitating event that gets the political remediation process started.
One more thing. Please don’t include “texting and emailing on nights and weekends” on the list of complaints. If I email you at midnight, that does not mean I expect an answer by 1 a.m. It just means I’m getting to that part of my to-do list at midnight. If parents expect off-hours responses from your husband, then that’s a valid beef to have with them. But a lot of us tend to our kids’ school business outside of work hours ourselves, and write with the expectation a teacher will respond during his or her work hours only. We’re all just trying to navigate busy lives. So please at least let your husband know you’re unhappy with the text-and-email intrusions into your family life, and ask if he’ll commit to checking them only during his office hours.
And, one more one more thing: barbecue! Maybe the food will be good. And, bonus, neither of you will have to come up with dinner tonight.
