Dear Carolyn: I am chronically ill but work full time and am literally able to do little else other than work and take care of my home. Socializing is exhausting for me, doing it out of the house more so, and even when it is wholly limited to weekends, too much means I cant go to work on Monday.
Ive lost nearly all of my friends due to this even a woman whose wedding I was in just under two years ago now rarely calls. How does one remain social when people dont really want to be friends with someone who is ill and often housebound? Cant Socialize
Answer: Im sorry youre in this position, and your friends havent been willing to accommodate you more.
Or maybe they are but you havent asked for that explicitly? It happens often, that we think weve been clear on what we need but havent, and so people who would help us out dont even know we want that from them, much less in what form.
So thats my first suggestion talk to your friends, with clear ideas handy. Follow up by inviting them to things you can do, when you can do them. Come over Saturday, Ill order takeout, Ill just need help cleaning up. Its cosmically unfair that the person with the illness would have to take on extra work to get others to socialize, but I think the reality is, people just default to the nearest and easiest thing. Especially people who are busy or stressed with their own stuff.
So, anyone who doesnt fall in the nearest/easiest part of the Venn diagram often has to figure out what works in their circle and then make the effort on some manageably regular basis to invite people into it.
If youve tried all of this already to no avail, then Suggestion 2 is to try to reallocate some of your limited energy to reflect friendship as a priority. Work is probably a fixed commitment, but what about take care of my home? Can that be a place to cut back? If not immediately, then long-term, with a lower-maintenance setup?
Work is work, but quality of life deserves a spot at the top.
