Hi, Carolyn: In five years of marriage, my husband and I agree we were happiest during a six-month period we spent living apart while I did a fellowship in another city. We talked on the phone every night, we got the quiet time we both thrive on and the quality time we spent together became special again instead of routine. And so we have decided to move into two separate apartments.
We are both looking forward to shaking things up a bit, excited about our respective new neighborhoods and feeling great about defining OUR marriage OUR way. However, you can imagine the negativity we have received from the people around us.
And maybe I just let this doubt infect me unnecessarily, but suddenly I am beginning to question whether were crazy. And imagining my husbands enthusiasm is just because hes secretly laying groundwork to start an affair. (I dont think so, but ?) And worrying the naysayers are right: This is just the first step toward inevitable divorce.
Are we crazy to think this will work? Or is it crazy to allow these outside voices to challenge our plans?
Fooling Ourselves?
Fooling Ourselves?: Whats crazy to me is the idea that one life fits all.
Maybe this will be the beginning of the new happiest phase of your marriage. Maybe that will be true because you love together but live apart; maybe that will be true because you start to see you arent well suited. Who knows. I think its great that youre talking, thinking creatively, trying something new.
As for allowing outside voices to influence you: Sometimes people can see things about us that we cant, sure.
But its still up to us to decide whether outside opinions are useful. If the only thing your doubters are adding is yet another reminder that youre going off societys script, then its time to say thanks for the opinion but please back off. Or this: Im fine with being strange, but Im tired of people telling me Im strange.
