Dear Carolyn: My sister is 18. She got homesick at college this year and is definitely depressed. I think she recently started antidepressants. She had a brief relationship there and has reacted poorly to the breakup. She has told the guy, several times, that shes going to kill herself. Even saying it was in progress, which hasnt been true. Shes told him shes pregnant, then says she had an abortion, then says shes pregnant again. This has been going on for a couple of months.
Clearly shes seeking his attention and lying. Theres no chance they are getting back together; he thinks shes absolutely crazy. But he contacted me because hes afraid she might actually hurt herself.
Ive asked her about it and her response is that hes lying. He sent me screenshots, so I know hes not. Our family walks on eggshells around her. She has a temper and lies constantly, so I cant believe her at all. She will be home from college soon. I feel like this all needs to be addressed, but no one in my family will do it. What should I do? Crazy Sister?
Answer: Crazy, please, no mentally ill, quite possibly. A lot of serious mental illnesses start to present in people as they transition out of adolescence and into adulthood. Therefore its not uncommon for people to show their first serious symptoms of depression, bipolar disorder, BPD (borderline personality disorder), schizophrenia, among others while theyre away at college. Its also not uncommon for the first pass at treatment to be inadequate.
As a sibling, youre in a tough spot. To get your sister a full mental health screening is a parents job. But, your parents might not be aware they have such a clear responsibility here. Oddly enough, it can be hard to figure out what to do about (what seem like) lies and drama and temper eruptions, yet easy to figure out what to do about the much more serious problem of an illness: Call the doctor. So push for the easy.
I dont think its too much to ask of a sibling to tell your parents what you know and lobby them to bring your sister to her doctor. Ideally they will also read up on different illnesses and symptoms at www.nami.org, and call NAMIs help line: 800-950-6264.
