Dear Carolyn: Friends who pretty much grew up and married decades ago find some modern wedding practices to be … well, very interesting. Are we just too out of touch when it comes to questioning destination events to propose, and expectations that parents are to pay for certain pre-wedding parties but not have much of a say? Registries are announced on invitations and gifts arent supposed to be wrapped, just bring them.
Any thoughts on broaching this generational disconnect? Are we from too conservative a generation? Or have the times shifted to a grin-and-get-over-it mode? Disconnected
Answer: I think the more you can roll with it and the less you harrumph your way through it, the better. But thats hardly new.
If thats not possible and/or when rolling with something you dislike involves time and money you dont want to part with, then just say no.
Ill apply this 1-2 strategy to your examples:
Destination events to propose? Not your business, so not yours to question. (Or approve of or attend, for that matter.)
Expectations that parents are to pay for certain pre-wedding parties? If you dont want to host or pay for something, then dont. If you dont mind the money but its the event that bugs you, then give a no-strings cash gift of an amount that feels appropriate.
Registries are announced on invitations? How convenient. Otherwise not your business.
Gifts arent supposed to be wrapped … just bring them? Okay then save postage and save a tree.
Not having much of a say? No changes there, actually, since its the couples wedding, not Moms or Dads. Contribute within your limits and, again, without strings.
Grinning and getting over it in general seems like a fine approach to anything other people do thats generally well-meaning and doesnt do you any harm. Hmm, interesting. Better than Get off my lawn.
