Adapted from an online discussion.
Hi, Carolyn: I love my family, really. I love my career. I’m a veterinarian (and my professional opinion is that your boys are Handsome). What I don’t love is the seemingly unending parade of shirttail relatives at wedding receptions who want to “just ask a quick question” about their dog.
I’m not at work. I don’t want to engage my work brain. I just want to eat my stuffed chicken breast in peace. I have tried polite refusals and sick veterinarian humor. Nothing dissuades these folks.
I know I’m not alone here and this has been answered before, but can you offer any ideas? I don’t want to resort to throwing stale rolls at them. — I Don’t Want to Doctor Tonight
I Don’t Want to Doctor Tonight: This is answering against my own self-interest because I really want you to throw bread products at people. But:
You have a bunch of perfectly workable deflections in your question alone. “I’m not at work.” “I don’t want to engage my work brain.” “I just want to eat my stuffed chicken breast in peace.” “Don’t make me throw things.” “I won’t answer that, but I will tell you where to find two of the most Handsome Dogs Ever.”
You can even preempt them at the “just ask a quick question” stage: [holding up your hand] “I’m going to stop you there. I’m off the clock.”
We can go back and forth and wait forever to determine what “dissuades” anyone, but the important thing is for you to say no briskly and answer none of these questions ever. Their dissuasion levels are moot at that point.
With this resolved, we can get to the other issue now — that the rolls are stale. The couple spent a lot on the catering, so that is just not okay.
Readers’ thoughts:
• This is the problem faced by anyone who is a professional at, well, anything. Accountants get asked about taxes, lawyers about how to get out of that parking ticket. Photographers are asked to shoot the wedding — for free, of course! And doctors get asked medical questions. I don’t really have any advice here; just grin, bear it and know you are not alone. Oh, and if the person asking has any expertise useful to you, try to turn it around on them and see if they get the hint and/or teach you how to keep your begonias from wilting.
• Physician here. When someone does this to me, I hold up my hand and say, “Sorry, that’s a party foul.” The person usually laughs and gets the hint. If not, I simply reply, “No, seriously.” And then move away if need be. Like the stale-roll idea, though.
