Hi, Carolyn! My wife has a good friend who will soon be married for the third time. Her first two marriages ended in divorce. The woman’s soon-to-be husband will also be married for the third time. (One divorce — his second wife died.)
We attended her first two weddings. I see this woman perhaps once a year, and I’ve never met her intended. They live locally.
I really don’t want to go; I think it’s a farce. However, I know I’ll end up going. My wife doesn’t ask much from me, and yes, she thinks it’s a farce, too.
I have all kinds of great lines that I’m not going to be able to use, but I’m at a loss.
Have you or any readers attended multiple weddings of the same person who wasn’t related?
I don’t remember what we gave her for the first two. Any suggestions?
— Baltimore
Baltimore: I’m not sure how our experiences would apply, and as for the gift, you and your wife will figure something out. But thanks for the invitation to a group scoff.
The worst case is that this wedding is a farce and your unused one-liners will be wittily accurate. But it’s also a chance at happiness for two people who have been through the wringer.
My advice is normally that you root for the marriage or you don’t go. However, your reason for going is actually a sweet celebration of marriage unto itself — your wife doesn’t ask much, and this is her good friend, so of course you go.
Maybe that’s the smile you bring with you to the ceremony: gratitude for having what so many people are willing to try more than once to achieve. A supportive partnership really is a beautiful thing.
Dear Carolyn: My sister, Jane, has always been the black sheep of our family. She is perceived by me, my younger sister Sally and even our mother as self-centered, rude and aggressive.
Jane left home many years ago and started her own life, which we are not part of, except when she visits our aging mother every couple of years. We’ve all been okay with this arrangement and have slowly begun putting some of our old, hurt feelings behind us.
Out of the blue, Jane emailed us to announce that she, her husband and their child are coming for the holidays. She wants us all to rent cabins and go skiing for three or four days. None of us is interested, and we’d have to use vacation time and money we had not planned on.
Sally and I are trying to be flexible; our mother rarely sees this grandchild, and her health prevents her from flying to visit Jane, so I don’t want to rock the boat and have Jane cancel the trip. I also don’t want to be railroaded by my self-centered sister.
