Dear Carolyn: At a back-to-school event, a teacher stumbled over my child’s name. My child gave the correct pronunciation, and that was that.
Or I thought it was, until afterward on Facebook I saw a parent had posted, “Who thought naming a child [my child’s name] was a good idea?” I was astonished. It was a woman I am friendly with who has a child in the same class as my child.
The name is unusual in this country but is common in the country my grandparents come from, and was chosen as a tribute to them. My child likes the name, and has never asked to go by a nickname or given any indication that other kids make fun of it. As far as I know, this other parent is the only person who has a problem with it.
Should I say something to her? Another parent I consider a friend clicked “like” on her post, and another commented, “This post is unkind of you.” Should I thank that parent? Confront my friend about why she “liked” a post mocking my child’s name? I just have no idea how to deal with this. — Mocked
Mocked: Every once in a while, there’s an outbreak of mass public scoffing over an unusual name — two pile-ons come to mind, over ABCDE (“Absidy”) and ESPN (“Espin”). Thank you for the reminder of how smug, mean-spirited and presumptuous it is to do this, no matter how unwise a name seems to the person scoffing at it. Your story perfectly captures why:
The poster thinks she’s absolutely justified in her criticism, or else she wouldn’t go public — and you absolutely believe it’s a meaningful, appropriate name, or else you wouldn’t have chosen it. And there you have it, the baseline eye-of-the-beholder transaction behind every name ever given.
Therefore, the only rational, non-obnoxious conclusion is that no one gets to decide they’re the ones drawing the line in the “right” place between good and bad name ideas. (Except with the very few names that are legally prohibited.)
Therefore, the only un-smug response to someone else’s name, any name, is to make a good-faith effort to pronounce it correctly. Period.
Humility is a beautiful thing.
If you’re so sure a kid will suffer for it, then: (a) Be equally assured a kid can change it. (b) Why would you want to inflict that suffering yourself?
Which brings me to your options regarding the smug, mean-spirited Facebook post. If I’d seen your question in the live-chat queue, I’d have advised you to comment on the post: “I thought that name was a good idea! Still do, and my child agrees.” In taking ownership, you would have owned — in the juicier sense — this rude parent.
If you didn’t respond then, I encourage you to talk to each of the people you mention.
To the original poster: “I hope you grasp there was a real person at the other end of your Facebook post, singled out for your ridicule.” To the one who clicked “like”: “I saw you liked that post mocking [child’s] name. That hurt.” The one who stood up for you: “Thank you for calling that Facebook post unkind.”
Why do this when it’s “just” a stupid social media post, easily ignored? Because the remedy to antisocial media cowardice is a human face. You can put yours right in front of theirs, holding the mean ones to account. I so hope you do.
