The holiday season is quickly approaching. Everyone views this time of year differently, some who really enjoy it to others who would rather skip them all together. Either way there can be stress that not only effects an individual, but the family system as well.
Families are groups of people who share close and personal relationships that change over time. One way of thinking about the family is to think of it as a system with moving parts where each part is dependent on one another in order to function smoothly. When the family works as a system, each person has specific roles and responsibilities that help other parts of the system — parents, siblings, and other family members — successfully fulfill their roles within the system. However, what happens when there is a part of the system that does not successfully fulfill its role? The other parts of the system cannot complete their duties and then the system begins to malfunction. A family is like a system — when parents cannot perform their duties, the children could be at risk and when the children cannot perform their tasks, that can put a strain on the parents. One of the most prominent issues for families is stress.
Family stress is an interference in the normal functioning of the everyday family system. Family stress can manifest in different ways. When the stress manifests, those are called family stressors. Negative stressors can be a variety of things; for example, a family stressor could be financial troubles, a child with behavior issues, a divorce, or a military deployment. A positive stressor could be the birth of a child, a wedding, or relocating. A stressor can be anything that disrupts the balance of the family system. It is important to note that families will respond to stressors in different ways — some families may argue while others ignore one another and shut down, and there are some families who have learned how to successfully handle their stress. Learning how to handle stress is an important skill for all members of a family system to learn. Here are five tips on how to handle family stress:
1. Take a second. Stress, either positive or negative, can take a toll on one’s mental, physical, and emotional state. It is important to first process the stressor event by yourself to gauge where you are on the situation and allow yourself to embrace your feelings about the stressor.
2. Pinpoint where the stress is coming from. Being able to identify what exactly is causing the disruption in the family can help you to find solutions.
3. Identify your support system. Who will you go to when you need to talk? Who will help you and your family during this time? Identifying people who will be in your support circle will mitigate feelings of being alone during the stressful time and can be a source of comfort.
4. Do some damage control. Check in on the people who the stressor directly affected. If it was your spouse, then take time to talk to them about how they are feeling. Then, talk to the other members of the family system to see how they are feeling about the event.
5. Make sure to take care of your mental and physical health. Get enough sleep, drink water, and eat nutritious foods. Depending on the stressor event(s), seek professional help. Some family stress is too much for the system to handle and may require the guidance of a professional.
If you believe that someone close to you could be experiencing any degree of family stress, there are a few things you can do. The first is to not pass judgment. Family stress comes in all shapes and sizes — what may not seem stressful to you, could be a traumatic and stressful experience to another person. Second, become a player in their support system. Experiencing stress can often be an emotional experience and affect many other aspects of life. Having a strong support system can better equip a family to handle the stress in a positive way. Lastly, remember to actively listen to their concerns. Many times, people under severe family stress or stress in general are simply looking for a supportive person to whom they can express their concerns, worries, and thoughts. So actively listening to the family or family members who are under stress can have a positive impact.
If the family under stress needs more help than you can give, or is in crisis, help them connect to professionals who are trained to provide the specialized help they need. Your support and encouragement will still be needed.
For more information, contact Jennifer Terrell, 4-H Youth Development Agent for K-State Research and Extension – Southwind District by email at [email protected] or call 620-244-3826.
