Adapted from an online discussion.
Dear Carolyn: I feel like I’m circling the drain. It’s been a problem for months, but intensified in the last few weeks. I absolutely cannot focus at work. The job still gets done, but it’s like pulling my own teeth, and my deliverables are later than I feel they should be.
I’ve tried to-do lists and time blocking, but I’m constantly, almost unwillingly, pulled over to solitaire or some other objectively Not Even Fun game — even when tasks are piling up. I don’t know why I do this, and I can’t seem to stop. It’s like, “Yes, I definitely need to do that task; just let me play eight hands of Hearts first.”
Maybe it’s because I work mostly from home; maybe it’s because I have a 15-month-old; maybe it’s because I’ve been in this job for four years and the charm is wearing off. Maybe my brain is broken.
It hardly seems worth leaving a good job for a “new challenge” that might send me into an even deeper state of ennui.
This work problem has sent me into an “I’m an absolute piece of crap” spiral. It’s like my failure to focus at work piles on top of struggling to lose pandemic weight, trying to force myself to exercise, a pathetic post-baby sex life … and I just feel like an absolute trash pile of a person.
“I don’t like myself right now, help!” might be more of a therapy question, but here I am, asking anyway. Any tips on how to feel better about Me?
— Self-Hater
Self-Hater: Whoa, wait — why can’t it be an “I’m doing double (or more) what humans generally ask themselves to do in a day, help!” question?
A job demands full attention while you’re on it. A toddler demands full (best!) attention when you’re with one. Exercise and proper nutrition take time and money and pit you against the pull of nature, which wants to hold weight, not lose it. Electronic distractions were built using neurological tricks to make them “sticky” (irresistible).
Damn straight you’re going to struggle with that. “Here, climb this 30-foot greased obelisk while wearing an iron rucksack, alone, and you’re a loser if you can’t.” What?
Some people may be better at resisting games when they’re bored, but that can be as much about brain wiring as character.
So whoa again with the “trash pile” framing.
This question is about how you can restructure your life around human-scale goals with proper support, so it doesn’t depress into seeking empty electronic dopamine relief.
The rebuild has to account for the income you need, plus child care. But if a plan can meet those needs and get you out of the desperate-at-home spiral — including, regularly, outside in nature — then you might start to feel better quickly.
