Dear Carolyn: I work a demanding and lucrative job. Think 80-plus-hour-weeks-for-months-at-a-time-type of job. My compensation is how my spouse and I have been able to afford a very nice lifestyle. I have many hobbies and passions outside of work that I just don’t have a lot of time for these days. I am always weighing and judging, “Is it worth it?” And honestly the answer is always on the line.
On one hand, submerging oneself in work in front of a computer for 80 hours a week is no “life.” On the other hand, a few more years of this compensation, while hard right now, could help set me up for a much more financially stable future.
Friends and family around me at once seem to applaud my success, while also frequently commenting on how insane my work hours are. I also look around at my peers outside my line of work, and my work-life balance seems to markedly be the worst. Curious what you and your readers thoughts are on this. — To Be or …
To Be or …: I wonder what would happen if you gave yourself concrete answers to the, “Is it worth it?” question.
Set goals, financial or otherwise; plot out a number of years you’ll need to stay in this job till you get there; circle the date on your calendar; then see if you feel better about the churn of it all.
Also list the things you’re not doing and decide what that costs you now. If you were to suffer a loss or get a bad diagnosis, would your work-now/live-later choice still sit right with you then?
I really think that, emotionally, we do better with things when they’re broken into pieces we can understand. Terrible work-life balance feels like a problem when you’re asking yourself to endure it indefinitely; when you choose it as a limited means to a defined end, it can feel like a solution. Now it’s a matter of deciding what you want those limits to be.
Readers’ thoughts:
· As someone who just hit a big financial goal, let me say there is no magical moment when you go from feeling insecure about the future to totally satisfied. Something that once seemed like it would definitely be ENOUGH feels smaller once it arrives. What is your definition of enough? How will you hold yourself to it, rather than seeing the even-nicer-lifestyle that will come if you just hang on a few more years? Because there is no finish line, and the goal you see in the distance is going to keep moving.
· I had that job for decades, and retired recently. It’s taken me a few months because I was so overwhelmed by work the past few years, but I wish I’d worked less and played more. I gave my job the best parts of my health and youth. Not worth it. Take some time off and think about it, please.
· For me, there WAS a magical moment when I went from feeling insecure about the future to totally satisfied. I did obtain my goals and felt I could relax. It sounds like that could work for you, if you see an end in sight.
· The answer to this question is the not very helpful, “It’s worth it until it’s not.” Ideally, you’ll plan your exit for slightly before reaching the point at which you simply Cannot Do This anymore.
