Dear Carolyn: Most of my family members belong to the religion I was raised in, which I have come to view as wrong not just theologically but morally. The religion teaches prejudice and hatred.
I am increasingly wondering whether I can, in good conscience, continue to have a loving relationship with these people. To me, the religion’s teachings are so wrong, so harmful, that acting friendly around them as long as religion doesn’t come up would be like having a friend who’s a member of a neo-Nazi organization and just turning a blind eye to it.
Do you think that, for my own morality, I need to sever ties with my family?
— Religious Differences
Religious Differences: IF you believe this religion’s teachings are as morally reprehensible as neo-Nazism, then, yes, you need to treat your family members who embrace these teachings as if they were neo-Nazis.
If there’s a moral difference between the two belief systems, then your moral obligation changes as well.
You also, of course, get to choose which values you prioritize:
Does family take precedence over the morality of individual beliefs, or does the morality trump all?
Do your priorities change whether these beliefs are or aren’t acted upon, or is the belief enough regardless? Does choosing the religion mean choosing its every belief, or are adherents responsible only for the tenets they embrace?
Or does usefulness toward the collective good displace both family and morality altogether?
It’s a lot. Being torn is almost a given.
And you certainly will find a lot of people in anguish over similar conflicts.
It’s also your prerogative to decide, always, that you don’t like the effect certain people have on you and that you don’t want to associate with them anymore for that reason alone. It doesn’t have to be any more cerebral or ethical than that.
