Dear Carolyn: My husband is a great father to our 6- and 4-year-old daughters, but he is a dud with children much younger than 4. I did nearly all the baby and toddler stuff by myself because he was too tired, too overwhelmed, too scared to break them and so on.
He wants a third baby he does not say so, but he wants a boy and while Im sure I would love another baby, I dont want to do all the work alone again. Another Baby?
Another Baby?: The only way having another baby would make any sense for you is the following:
1. You really want another baby yourself.
2. You assume you will be left in the lurch on all of the baby care, you plan on doing all of the work alone again, and you enjoy the pleasant surprise of not having to do it if and when he makes good on his promise.
3. You are ready to possibly have a boy and then watch your husband actually care for said boy in a way he never did for his girls or have another girl and watch him be just as disengaged and harbor unwelcome suspicions that gender has something to do with this.
Grumpy just typing that one, by the way, so I hope Im laughably wrong. And its not just the sexism of it thats irritating, either its the fact that kids are, and deserve to be treated as and loved for, whoever they are. Theyre not little gender representatives sent to give their parents a specific sense of continuity and connection, no matter how many generations of parents promote and perpetuate these hopes. So for everyones sake I hope, if you have this baby, your husband is a champ about baby care and keeps the gender thing in perspective.
