Dear Carolyn: My ex is getting married this weekend. While I no longer have feelings for him, I’ve been in a funk for several days, and I’m dreading the onslaught of social media posts from mutual friends who will be at the wedding. Since I am truly over him, I’m not sure what this is about — feeling like I have “lost” somehow? Ew. Any suggestions for getting through the next few days?— Ex
Ex: “Lost”? Ew.
Sometimes transitions just suck, even when your part of the transition is only awareness of someone else’s transition.
Stay off social media — “no self-torture” should top all our lists of coping tactics; do something that you reliably feel good about; and be glad it’s only a couple of days.
Re: Wedding: My ex just got remarried about two weeks ago, and I found out when a girlfriend texted me she’d just come from the wedding. While I’ve been divorced/single for nearly 10 years, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I’m still single but living the life I wanted, yet I, too, felt like a loser. A best girlfriend called me (not the one who went to the wedding) after I texted her my feelings and reminded me of all the reasons he was a lousy husband. That helped.
But when I saw the wedding on social media — and I was terrified to look — I was cured. I could see he’d grown into exactly the type of man I was afraid he would and living his life exactly the way I was afraid we would if I’d stayed. I immediately saw I was having a much more fabulous life than he could ever want for me, and it took a huge weight off my shoulders. — “Survivor,” lol
