Tell Me About It
Hi, Carolyn: About a year and a half ago, I made some significant lifestyle changes toward becoming healthier and losing weight. In addition to taking up hot yoga, I cut out soda, and made some pretty major dietary changes. While I will still occasionally indulge in a dessert or satisfy a craving for pizza, I typically decline such foods and even invitations to meals out at restaurants where I cant find anything within my calorie allotment. Instead I suggest somewhere I know I can eat or will meet up with them after for a drink instead.
At the beginning of my weight-loss journey, my friends and family were very receptive to my declining certain foods and invitations and would even make comments that they wish they were doing the same, but now that Ive lost 50 pounds (woo!) Ive noticed people are becoming less understanding. I may not be as obviously overweight as I once was, but I still have about 20 pounds to go. I havent been able to make any progress in months because I keep getting guilt-tripped that I can afford the calories and one meal wont set me back which is true, but when you have three to four splurges in a week, it does!
While I appreciate they might think I look great with all of the progress Ive made so far, I still have a way to go, and declining a slice of birthday cake isnt as accepted as it was 50 pounds ago.
Any tips for how to convey that although Im not as visibly unhealthy as I once was, Im still working toward goals I would like to achieve, and their support and understanding would be appreciated? Dieter
Answer: Ahhh, the underminers. Predictable as sunset, but not as pretty.
Just a little scrutiny makes it hard to define people who do this as friends: Theyre not taking no for an answer on something thats entirely your business (ignoring boundaries), and theyre pushing food they know you struggle with (consciously putting obstacles in your path). How is that kind?
Plus, the best way to avoid rubbing your choices in others faces which I dont accuse you of, I just know some commenters will, because 2018 is to deflect attention away from your choices, and guilt-tripping makes that nearly impossible.
Im sorry youre on this spot.
Your best spot-removers are a few quick pre-formed phrases. No, thank you, is an ace, especially on a loop:
They: Cake?
You: No, thank you.
They: Oh cmon, a little wont hurt.
You: No, thank you.
They: Youre no fun!!
You: No, thank you.
You could also use some basic truth: Youre not helping, or, No is not code for Yes.
Or you could leave. Its big, but definitive.
Or you could explain, once, to people you care about enough to answer fully, that this isnt some quest with a beginning or an end; youve changed your life. So, you like your new life better than you like [food you now limit]. So, stop.
Once stated, do not entertain conversation about your food choices, because thats your prerogative and doing otherwise is not good for you.
Congratulations on making the changes you wanted to make. Its not easy, even when everyone helps.
