Dear Carolyn: I recently started working longer hours and it gets exhausting. I used to hang out with my friends who are very dear to me every day after work, but now Im too tired to stay up late like before. They are aware my hours changed but they continue to call, text, and even come by my house.
I often tell them I have more work to do I dont because I dont want to offend them by telling them I would rather watch The Office and go to bed than hang out with them.
Is my lying and laziness justified, or should I just get over myself and go with them? Lazy Liar
Dear Lazy: The laziness is so justified that its not even laziness. Its called fatigue, and it deserves respect.
Your very dear friends deserve respect, too, so go out or dont go out whatever you need to do but either way, stop lying to them! Please.
Sorry, I prefer reruns to your company, is hardly the only way to deliver an honest no.
Just have a general, ground-laying conversation where you make it clear you value them, miss them, but on workdays have no energy left to see them. Then echo that language to respond to specific invitations (Sorry, wiped out). Consistency is a stealth defense against hard feelings.
You can give the people who drop by the same Im-wiped-out answer, or you can invite them in for short visits. Rest is essential but letting friendships languish is a health risk of a different sort, so there is an argument for the occasional get over myself rally. Just make sure youre good at drawing and holding lines on when its time to get your sleep. Everybody out, bedtime, has its charms.
You could also turn! off! your! phone! since everyone should be doing that anyway. But thats a rant for another day.
Hi, Carolyn: A group of us moms has been friends since our sons, now 30, were young. We moms still get together, but its tough because of Cyndi. She only wants to go out for lunch at terrible restaurants she chooses; her picks have no healthy choices, bad service, and are sometimes dirty.
We feel sorry for Cyndi because her husband died when our kids were in high school, and her son coped with drug abuse. Despite interventions, he remains addicted, cant keep a job, and disappears for months.
We suggest inexpensive, healthy alternatives, taking turns choosing, but Cyndi refuses. Some of us work, so a group lunch out takes effort. She doesnt have money issues. We went without her once, and she was crushed.
After lunch yesterday, I got sick from the greasy food (again!). We feel like shes taking advantage. Help! Nauseous
Thats because she is taking advantage of your pity-based unwillingness to say no.
