Dear Carolyn: My husband is broken there is no other way to put it. Years of chronic pain led to multiple surgeries with extended hospital stays. Physically and mentally he is worn out. He hasnt worked in two years, so he relies on me for everything.
By some miracle, he is getting better. He is determined to return to his prior job, which he loved but is most likely unrealistic. Our bank account and my emotional bank account needs his contribution. I want to be encouraging, despite being very, very tired of being his cheerleader. There is a chance he could get his job and life back, but it will be a long, difficult road.
I feel like putting all the cards on the table. I think we have to admit out loud that he is broken, weak, traumatized and far away from where he wants to be.
Any suggestions on how to broach this without being mean? How to tell him he needs to take a menial job to help out, instead of trying to achieve everything at once? Again, I want to be supportive but I feel we need to be honest, realistic. And I feel he owes me a basic contribution instead of reaching for the stars.
Tired
Tired: How would that help him get stronger, or at least strong enough to contribute again?
Id say the truth that most needs airing is that you are broken, weak(ened), traumatized and far away from where you want to be. At least in your own way, emotionally and even financially. No?
Its not your fault. Youve been under enormous pressure to carry the household and his care. Obviously hes had it worse, but his mandate all along has been to get well. Thats big, draining, painful, but also very streamlined and clearly defined, with no pulls in other directions.
Now that hes healing, he can widen his scope. This is an amazing development, and his assuming more of a role can be healing for you both.
Thats what I hope you admit out loud: that you are so happy hes looking to get back to his old job, and will support that as you can, but hope its also the right time for you to ask him to help you. Is he open to discussing ways to work at a less demanding job while he regains his strength? People want to hear how they can help, not how useless they are.
