Dear Carolyn: My boss and I formed a very close friendship, which turned into me having feelings for him. I told him around the new year. He confessed that he questioned his feelings, but ultimately he is my boss. We act like business partners, though, with me supervising the staff. Some of our staff call us Mom and Dad.
I put up some boundaries since he rejected me. We strictly work together and dont go out as friends. I desperately miss our friendship, and I would love to have that back.
I almost talked to him about wanting to renew our friendship, but then I realized he is dating someone. And it hurt to hear that. Because truthfully, I am still holding on to hope. And I am incredibly angry at him for giving me hope. Had he simply rejected me and not held my hand while he told me that he has questioned his feelings for me, I probably would have moved on. But here I am. A 40-plus-year-old women with a crush on my boss.
How do I move past this? Can I ever be his friend? Ive looked for other jobs, but I love my work. Holding On
Answer: You can never be his friend.
Your feelings will not be returned.
If you want a romantic partner in your life, then you will need to look for one in someone other than this man.
A no with a flicker of maybe in it is just as much of a no as a simple rejection.
I am sorry for all of this. It is obviously way more nuanced than these four statements say it is, certainly for you and maybe even for him, but nuance that brings you nothing is not worth exploring. The face of it is all you need to see: No you cant; no they wont; hes not the guy.
And possibly most important: If your feelings were mutual, then you two probably would have found a way to be together.
Keep loving your work, keep looking for work elsewhere, stomp on every ember of what if, and keep reminding yourself that the problem isnt that he is your boss, its that hes not the guy.
